I hate to be yet another person posting their thoughts and feelings on everything going on in the media right now, but I have had a while to take it all in and decide where I stand.

What media coverage am I talking about? The shootings, the racial issues, the law enforcement targets, gay marriage, LGBTQ groups, abortion, the upcoming presidential election, the presidential candidates, and the list goes on. So much of this has been in the forefront of media coverage for quite some time and it's all becoming a bit overwhelming. It almost seems like unless you pick a side and made a definitive stance with feet planted firm, your opinion is invalid. You can't possibly agree with both sides or support them simultaneously. My thoughts are drawn to the scene in Little Rascals when Alfalfa is having the nightmare about his friends and Darla. "Choose or Die!" they chant and Alfalfa just can't seem to do it. Why does he have to choose? Why do any of us have to choose?

Agency is a great gift that all of us have been blessed with. We make choices every day and deal with the outcomes of those choices, good or bad. That being said, the gift of agency doesn't force us in to choosing a side as a sort of ultimatum. With all of the topics I listed above, there are opposing sides and varying points of view. Regardless, I don't have to choose a side. I don't have to get on my soap box about this or that, trying to convince those around me to agree with me. My choice is to not pick a side, not completely, anyway.

There have been a lot of shootings recently. I do not agree with them whatsoever, nor do I agree with greater gun control or abolishing the 2nd amendment. Taking away the gun does not heal the broken person who chose to take the lives of others. The gun is not the issue. They could have used a sword, a bomb, even a pencil and still taken lives. We don't see a crackdown on yellow #2 writing utensils now, do we? It is not the means by which the event occurred, it's more about the thoughts and feelings that lead someone to commit such an act. Unfortunately, there's no way we could possibly heal everyone with these mental illnesses so the blame gets put on the weapon of choice which has prominently been firearms. I know in my heart that there is great value in concealed carry permits and healthy, mature men and women owning firearms. Whether it's for their own personal protection and peace of mind or to be used as a safe, controlled pass-time, they should be available to the public. Not to every Tom, Dick, and Harry, but to those who have proven themselves capable of safely owning and operating these guns. Proper storage, proper documentation, and proper care when in use. Just like we can't heal everybody, we can't always determine who is fit to have these privileges. Anyone could put on an act and get their permit as well as purchase a firearm. Not only that, but there are people who gain access to guns by illegal means. In this case, just ensuring that proper steps are taken won't shut down the black market nor out the wolves in sheep's clothing. For this reason, it's hard for me to pick a side. I can't say that we should just allow the "good ones" to own guns because how will we ever determine who's good? I can't say that we should make the purchase of firearms harder because how could we make sure they're only being sold in reputable locations? I definitely can't say that we need more strict gun control laws because guns are not the problem. A gun does not pull it's own trigger. I believe in the advantages of safe gun ownership and control. I don't excuse those who commit crimes with these guns.

I don't think that racial issues and biases will ever become a thing of the past. In history, it's everywhere. Today, it's everywhere. I wish this wasn't the case but it's reality. It saddens me that these prejudices are so apparent, even in 2016. I thought that things would have changed by now. Unfortunately, they haven't and don't look to be changing any time soon. Most recently, a black man was shot by a white police officer. It's happened before and the reaction seems to always be the same. "Black Lives Matter" and "Shame on the Police for racial profiling!". I just don't even know what to think, let alone say. Hence the title of this post; Quiet.

I haven't said much. I've been thinking over it and figuring out for myself what my feelings are. First and foremost, yes, black lives matter. So do white lives. So do Asian lives. So does every single life on the face of this earth. I don't care if you're Red, Blue, Green, Brown, 4-legged, 2-legged, or with no limbs. Every life matters. That's what should be posted. That's what should be heard in the streets. I am not in the shoes of the police officer that shot the man, nor am I in the shoes of the man who's life was taken. Was it wrong? I believe so. I don't think there was any valid reason for the man to be killed in this manner. It was a routine traffic stop. If there was a concern or threat that the police officer picked up on, that's okay. It is is job. He needs to serve and protect the community. That doesn't necessarily mean shooting the man he just pulled over. It's a tough situation. It's hard to say what caused this act to come to pass. As an outsider and a bystander, I can say that I feel for both sides. It didn't have to happen that way. It shouldn't happen that way in the future. Were the roles reversed, who knows what would have happened. If it was a black police officer pulling over a white family or any other race, would the outcome have been the same? Many say no, because it's a direct target on black lives. I honestly don't know what the outcome would be. I'm not in the situation and I don't have any first hand knowledge. I have no way to say what would happen. Again, all lives matter. It's not about one race or another, it's not about "white privilege". People are people. Period.


Abortion is something I don't think I could ever fully understand. Before I was pregnant, I had the same views that I do now and they are that every life matters. From the point of conception, that little baby deserves to live. It's not just a group of cells. It's a living being. In high school, I had no idea what it was like to be pregnant or be faced with the decision of what to do following a positive pregnancy test. There are women who get pregnant as a result of rape. In that case, I understand how hard it could be. I understand the fear and the utter despair they may feel because of what happened to them and the result of it. I do not, however, think that constitutes a valid reason for aborting the child. It would be a hard pregnancy, I know. It would be an every-day reminder of what happened to that woman, I know. In the end, she could keep the child if she so chooses or she could put the child up for adoption. Either option, in my eyes, is better than aborting the child. Every woman has a right to choose for her own body. I just wish more women would realize that their choice impacts that little baby. The baby that cannot speak for itself or make their choice known. Now that I am nearing the end of my first pregnancy, I have firsthand experience that I didn't have as a high school student writing an argumentative essay on abortion. When I got my positive pregnancy test, I didn't feel any movements in my tummy. In fact, I didn't feel Baby E move until a few months later. I didn't see more than a small, perfect little blob on the first 2 ultrasounds we had done but I knew that was my baby. I heard her heartbeat for the first time when I was 10 weeks along then again countless times at home, thanks to the fetal Doppler we bought. Then, at 15 weeks, we got an elective ultrasound to find out the gender of our baby. Since it had been a while since the last time I saw our baby on an ultrasound machine, I was pleasantly surprised to see just how much she grew in a few weeks.


No longer a little blob, she was now very obviously resembling a little baby. Her head, her body, her arms and legs, her little profile... My heart began to swell. That was my baby on the screen. My baby. Soon after that visit, I began feeling the early "flutters" and felt her first kicks and punches. She has been so active this entire pregnancy and I am so grateful for that. Now, my experience is different. I am married to a man I love and this pregnancy was planned and welcome. A little sooner than we thought, yes, but welcome nonetheless. That being said, my circumstance is not the same as it would be for someone who had different events leading up to the conception of a child. I brought up the case of a baby as a result of rape because I believe that's the only situation that abortion would be slightly okay. By slightly, I mean I agree with it .00000001%. In other cases, I don't think there is a valid reason to abort a baby. In every other case, the events leading up to the conception of the child were the direct choice of the 2 participants. Therefore, their choices have consequences and they must deal with those consequences. See, this agency thing is pretty universal, isn't it? I don't agree with abortion. All lives matter, including that "group of cells".

Politics are a touchy subject. I've heard stories of people losing friends over seemingly innocent discussions on politics. Because of this, I don't often like to talk about my views. In the case of the whole Trump vs. Clinton debacle, I haven't said much other than I don't think I would vote for either. Not because Clinton is a woman or because Trump is the business man that he is, simply because I don't see how either of them could make America better. That's what matters to me. I want my children to grow up in the kind of country that America was always intended to be; a land of opportunity and a place where dreams come true. In a lot of ways, The United States of America is a country that is still much better off than many other countries in the world and for that I am grateful. The ability to write my thoughts and feelings on all of these subjects is just one of the many freedoms that we have in America. I love this country. I am so grateful to live here and to be a citizen of this country that has so much promise. What worries me is that, with the wrong leader, America could take a turn for the worst. I hope and pray that whatever the outcome may be, the new President will make the right decisions. I pray that they will do what is best for this country and all of the people in it. I can't be the one to determine who our new leader will be but I can certainly hope and pray for this country that I love. Whatever happens is going to happen. I do believe that this nation is a nation under God, and God will not forsake us.

In times of trouble, many people question God and question where He has been or why He allows certain things to happen. God has not forgotten us. He's fully aware of everything that I have touched on today. He knows that there are opposing sides and hard times. He allows it to happen. God is in ultimate control and has the power to move mountains. That's what I trust in; Him. His plan. I don't do so in a naive way. I don't pray for riches but never work. I don't ask for patience without finding ways to improve it. God can only do so much for us. We must act. We must be actively engaged in doing the work. Faith without works is dead. You bet I'll be praying for our country. Praying for the victims of shootings. Praying for our leaders, both local and in government capacities. Praying for those around me facing hard choices and questioning themselves. Praying for our country. It may seem like I have been quiet on these topics until now. That's only because I was looking inside to see where I stand and then praying to understand more fully the views of others. Quiet prayers and quiet hopes that things can be different.

All lives matter. This country matters. Our choices are ours to make and ours alone. Sometimes, it all becomes too much and I just need some quiet time to myself to take it all in.